Follow me.... over to Wordpress!

Sit tight! You should be redirected to my new blog address! 

I decided to take a leap from Blogger to Wordpress, so I've transferred all my posts, comments, and everything in the future will come from my new address at inkedeskimo.wordpress.com so please change your RSS feeds, subscriptions, etc.

I've posted a new blog to tempt you over! Go check it out :0)

x

photo borrowed from http://pinkwallpaper.blogspot.com/2009/04/vintage-suitcase.html

FINALLY! A cure for hayfever!

As modelled  by my gentle, if sniffly, husband.

Keeps pollen out and sneezes in!

London...

...you've got me wrapped around your little finger.

How to Diet and not Die (or wish you had): Recipe 1 - Vegan Black Bean Burgers with Guacamole

So the hubster and I are presently retraining ourselves in the way we eat- how to do so more healthily, particularly now that we've gone vegetarian, and still enjoy life. We've been eating better, monitoring calories, fat, carbs and protein for two weeks now and exercising regularly. It's always nice to have a partner in crime in such scenarios. Food-wise our lovely flatmate has joined us in much of our culinary revision, at dinner-time anyways.

Our tofurky looked even scarier than this.

I went veggie for five years after high school in the 90s- a time when all these freezer type ready foods were just being popularised- and they weren't that great. I still shudder at my attempt at making a homemade tofurky for Thanksgiving one year. Yikes. I put on 20 lbs then due to eating nothing but pasta and cheese for the most part (and quitting smoking... and going to college... and having a serious BF- what a deadly combo!). Now to work off some of *those* pounds plus others that have since attached themselves to my otherwise tiny waistline.

Lots of what we're eating is actually vegan, purely because I can only take dairy in small doses (perhaps due to the cheese binging I did while veggie last time, I've exacerbated an existing 'allergy' to dairy that I've never had medically confirmed, thus the quotes). Rob's also working at a local vegan cafe that serves the most tasty vegan faire so we're enjoying experimenting and knowing that you don't have to put cheese on everything to enjoy it. One thing we really enjoyed involved our veg box that we get weekly from local growers and some strange looking items known as salsify. They look not unlike sticks and I peeled them and chucked them in boiling water for a few minutes. While they cooked I mashed up some tofu with chard and nutritional yeast and it looked a bit like ricotta. We then layered some other veggies, the salsify and topped it off with the cheesy mix and baked it. I'd put the cheesy mix in with the veggies next time as it did burn just a bit but overall was amazingly tasty. This tofu mash concoction will no doubt come into play for many future meals.

Tonight we had some defrosted black bean burger patties I'd made a batch of last week. As they were a bit dry last time, though tasty, Rob whipped up some guacamole (avocado, lemon juice, garlic & tomatoes) to top it off and give it a bit more moisture. It was pretty heavenly- and a boost for protein! Fortunately for you I'm keeping track of how much of what is used for foods simply to monitor calories and such- otherwise I turn my nose up from measuring ingredients. Sadly the camera didn't make an appearance so you'll have to paint your own imaginary picture of these delights to tempt your own taste buds.

Vegan Black Bean Burgers with Guacamole


1 can/box of black beans (I actually used dried beans, soaked them overnight and cooked them for about 45 minutes so they were extra fresh)
100 g Oats
1 small onion, chopped
3 tbsp Olive Oil + some for cooking
2 tbsp Tomato Paste
Various spices, to taste (salt, pepper, chilli powder, paprika, some herbs if desired)

For guacamole:
2 Avocados
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1-2 tomatoes, chopped
1 tsp lemon juice
salt, to taste
Using a fork, mash the avocado to desired consistency and mix with other ingredients. Chill and avoid nomming right away.

Mix burger ingredients well. When you can mix no further, get your hands wet, plunge them in and mix it up some more. When you're happy that it's mixed well enough, form approximately 7-8 patties. Fry patties in a skillet for 3-4 minutes, turning half way. For lower-fat cooking, use a spray.

Eat with or without bread, topped with a good helping of guacamole, salad, cheese (if desired).

Nutritional Info for Black Bean Burgers

• Servings Per Recipe: 7
• Amount Per Serving
• Calories: 129.4

• Total Fat: 6.5 g
• Cholesterol: 0.0 mg
• Sodium: 18.0 mg
• Total Carbs: 18.9 g
• Dietary Fiber: 4.8 g
• Protein: 4.1 g

* not including extra calories and such from guacamole!

Oh yes, and just to prove that this diet is working, I've already lost 4 lbs in 2 weeks without starving! Could use some pointers on exciting protein sources though, so do share!

Jesus wants to save gophers.

Recently I've found inspiration from the strangest of places. My only brush with these creatures in real life has been in the dreaded appearance of mounds of dirt in my parent's garden while I was growing up. Caddyshack famously expressed most people's loathing for these little furry beasts when the character Carl Spackler said, "In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre, 'Au revoir, gopher'" as he attempted to dynamite the earth burrower's hole. Yet while on holiday at my in-laws' house I found myself strangely identifying with gophers- those of Mt. St. Helen's to be specific.

While watching PBS a NOVA programme came on called 'Mt. St. Helens: Back from the dead'. Being a bit of an ecology nerd (apologies to my fellow geek friends) I was consumed by the telling of the explosion that happened in 1980 resulting in death, destruction, and sweeping panoramas of ash and black. Scientists told how they wondered if anything survived and how on earth anything would ever make a comeback to such a desolate location. As the ground continued to shift and rumble while the volcano remained active for some time, brave scientists began walking and flying around in search of signs of life. Months and months in to this search with absolutely no hopeful glimmers, a man in a helicopter spotted something different- a fresh mound of earth. As the pilot landed and the researcher walked towards the soil which stood in stark contrast to the dense blanket of ash, fresh revelation hit: some little critters that had lived below the surface of the earth- pesky varments though they were- had survived the eruption and their lives continued on, though with fewer fresh roots to chew on. 

A gopher mafia family

These underground inhabitants kept on doing what they do- digging. Not because they were trying to be at all helpful but because, well, what else were they going to do? As they dug and carried on, fresh piles of soil appeared on the surface, mixing in nutrients and spores to an otherwise inhospitable landscape. As a result of their survival, life began gradually to return to the blast zone with plants growing, amphibians and mammals returning and birds having a place to nest and bring in fresh seeds. All thanks to a pest.

As I sat watching these gophers and life return to Mt. St. Helen's, I felt a sort of pathetic kinship (don't worry, I'm not going to say I cried). Having moved from a place of doing 'alternative ministry' where things are dressed up a little bit differently and feeling 'edgy' but the gist is still the same, and now moving to a place of truly 'underground ministry', going to subcultures that the church has rejected outright, I resonate a bit with the gopher. 

Firstly and most critically, I see that as we dig our way underground, we are able to draw up fresh nutrients to feed the church itself. Most truths and movements that have changed culture (and the church) have not come from the 'top down' or a place of influence and prominence (humanly speaking) but from the depths- the culturally radical and dissident. As Leonard Sweet says in Nudge, 'The centers of power and wealth are a long way from the margins of our society, where the most creative stirrings of the Spirit are born and bring new life into the whole. It is hard to score semiotic (ed- the art of reading the signs) hits from the centres of establishment power.' These underground folk are causing a stir, and one that Jesus can often be seen at the heart of- if you're perceptive enough and willing to point him out. It's exciting to work within these deep underground cultures and see Kingdom truths in operation that mainstream society and church culture has neglected or compromised on- ideas of community, equality, advocacy and solidarity with the poor, shunning materialism, and so on (whatever ideas you've conjured up right now about how your church might live these out, you likely don't go as far as these underground scenes). We've set out to Nudge these people into recognising the Jesus values they are operating under, and also to bring these revelations to the church itself. 

I believe that we have so much to dig up from these underground cultures to fertilise the imaginations and intensify the richness of the life we as Christ followers can live here on earth. Church-folk so often find their heads in the clouds, looking for Christ elsewhere, yet we must start recognising the creatures under our feet that are enriching our every day lives, whether we know it or not, and see where we can sight Christ in their very existence. To be honest, I find my gopher-y self learning a lot from the underground scene- not at the sake of compromising my understanding of all things Christ, but in finding out that Jesus is a whole lot more omni-present than I dreamt and far, far ahead of the dawdling church- myself included. Now, THAT is good news!

A neighbourly Valentine's Day

WHEW! It has been a long while! Frankly I haven't had much to say (believe it or not), at least not publicly so rather than bore you with my tiresome drawl I've kept things quiet. I've got a fantastic story to share now though!

As you may know, yesterday was the loathed/loved celebration of Valentine's Day. I'm not overly keen on it myself but I married a romantic guy who likes it, so I do oblige. Having felt a bit detached from, well, pretty much everything non-work-related recently, I've really been missing doing little community things but I don't really have the time to plan much or even get inspired to start with. Yet on Saturday in a huff of extreme life boredom, I had an epiphany: I would spend Sunday baking cookies for our neighbours in our block of flats. We've got a table in the foyer commonly used to flog off unwanted items, so the scene was perfectly do-able.

Rob, Jo and I spent a few hours baking some amazing vegan chocolate chip cookies (trying not to eat all the dough or batches as they came out of the oven), made up a sign to hang over the table that said 'You are special, love from Flat 9', and a card that read 'Happy Valentines Day. You're loved more than you'll ever know so enjoy a yummie vegan cookie!' We packed the cookies up ready to serve and hatched a plan to put them out in the centre of the entry before many people left for work on Valentine's morning.

After putting the cookies out (which were even yummier on Monday), I noticed that one or two had disappeared before I left for work. Then I got a text from Jo saying that she heard shrieks of excitement and 'HOW SWEET' coming from the corridor, which she had to wait to subside before she could herself leave for fear of being accosted. That night we returned to two plates containing only a few crumbs.

We collected our plates and took down the sign with big smiles that we'd shown some people the love that's typically mass-marketed on that day of the year. Then I picked up our card and saw some writing inside: 'You are amazing. I love you and don't even know you. xxx'

Awesome.

Today I walked up to our main entry door and saw a shoulder of someone who quickly disappeared near the table in the foyer. I rounded the corner to find a card that said how special our small actions were. I found another in our post box from someone we originally thought didn't particularly like us.

This is love. Maybe not deep life changing love, but then... who knows... maybe it's a start.

Cloudless Days with No Sunshine

Walking to work this morning, the sky was a great s t r e t c h of cloudless blue.

Yet the sidewalk below was a drab gray, dark and cold. 

I knew that there must be some light out there ..........................

..................... but it just hadn't fallen across my path. 

On I walked and as the buildings rose HIGHER, the path grew darker, yet I could see the warm glow far overhead on the sides of the glass and concrete and metal far above. 

I came to enjoy the game of searching for (pockets of light) in the darkness, reflections of the sun that was surely out there                                                                       somewhere.


Through crevices between houses, along the backside of gardens overgrown with weeds and thorns, dancing in the windows. Eventually I caught glimpses as the buildings   spaced     out yet still it ducked and dived from my sight.


As I approached the open square, the intensity around me began to increase and build.


Finally, as I broke through my surroundings, there it stood as it had all along.
It hadn't changed.


Only my own position had.

.....................................................................................................

I wrote this piece not as a way of 'preaching it' to my atheist or 'unbelieving' friends but as, well, a good kick in the bum for my 'believing' or 'orthodox' friends- or more specifically to those who are pretty certain they know what truth is and can recognise what it isn't. 


I use to make such claims and probably still am enlightened arrogant enough to do so now on occasion (well, don't we all?). I recall a conversation I had recently with someone who reminded me of the good old (?) Christian proverb (not the kind in the bible... the kind that someone made up and it's followed us around doggedly for aeons) that just a bit of untruth makes the whole thing a lie. I think most people put it a bit more whimsically than that but the exact phrase now escapes me, but you get the gist. I use to wield that one around myself but as it was reiterated to me I thought, now wait, that's not exactly right. 


I'm in a place in life now where I believe that God does dwell, as the psalmist claims, everywhere, in everything- even in the worst of places, Sheol (death). Yes there's a load of rubbish in this life but there are gems buried in deep within the dust and debris. I believe that were we to demonstrate to people where God was already at work in the world and in their own lives, more people would want to know him. 


As we journey though the urban landscape of our lives, the light may not be blinding us. It may be that we seldom, if ever see the sun. But often times we perceive it in its reflection in the glass and we wouldn't recognise the shape of shadows if it was absent. People may be closer to the light than we give them, or Christ, credit for. 


Look for the glimmers of light and help others recognise them. It can be a fun game.

July (flew by!)

Only after returning home in early August did I realise that I spent half of July away from home. Half of the away time was spent at Buddhafield Festival with the SPEAK Network. We brought our yurt to share our campaigns and to get to know people there. It was a really cool festival with great people and interesting conversations. Really chilled and enjoyable.


The following week I went with Rob to Freakstock Festival in Germany where he participated in a service, doing some storytelling on the theme of pilgrimage. He told the story of Tom Joad through the eyes of Woody Gutherie who wrote a folk song about Tom's journey during the dust bowl. It was great seeing Rob on that stage in front of so many people and speaking with such confidence. The festival was a great time to see old friends and make some new friends too.


We spent the following three days in Berlin, site-seeing and shopping in the alternative district of Kruezberg. It's good to be back in London now though, I must say! Enjoy some photos from our trip!

Friday Service @ Freakstock	Friday Service Crowd	Rob storytelling
Storytelling about The Joad Family and Pilgrimage	Impromptu gig  by band Praiser	"Peace Out"- Jesus Christ
Holocaust Memorial, Berlin	Brandenburg Gate	Checkpoint Charlie
Near the River Spree	East Side Gallery	So true.
Alexanderplatz	Part of the old wall	Photo Opp

CRAFTING ON A WHIM: New Zine Rack

So I wake up this morning to a little packet of plastic wrapped papers left on the couch by Rob as he left in a hurry for work. He's been working at a university and got this packet of flyers on campus. The cover was this cute red and white hibiscus pattern with black squares... I was desperate to find a way of using that paper!

I found myself a few hours later reading through a zine we picked up at the London Zine Symposium last month. We've had a stack of zines from this year and the last just sitting around with no real home... very sad really.

Cue brain wave. 

We've got an extra glass box from IKEA, the free thing you get to carry your glasses home from the store. We already have employed one in holding a lot of lose paperwork as the dividers can be folded down. I thought that this just might be transformable into a new zine holder.....

An hour later, paper scraps littering the flat, my fingers glued together, viola- new organisational solution (and you must know that I LOVE those)!

      

LOVE.

I was just getting an address from the only place we've got all our addresses consolidated right now: from our wedding guest list. I've got an idea about how to change that without going the dull address book route, but I'll fill you in on that another time. I rediscovered this poem that we had put in our order of service. It speaks so well of unconditional love: the kind we should have for God and one another, romantically or otherwise. Bringing out the best in one another. I hope you dig it too.


"Love"


I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.

I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.

I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;

I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.

I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.

I Love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good,
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.

You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.

© Roy Croft (1907 - 1973).

Agents of Future: Because life, love and faith are messy

I had the radical privilege last summer to spend some time with Portland, Oregon's Agents of Future. The band is facilitated by Todd and Angie Fadel who have become awesome friends who I wished lived closer, and they've really inspired Rob and I in our living and our worship. They're part of a killer church family in Portland called The Bridge.

When they were with us last August, the band did a collaborative worship thing with our collective (also called The Bridge). There were balloons being pulled out of a refrigerator, toilet paper enveloping everyone in the room, buckets and pots and pans serving as instruments, children playing, and a genuine 'I have no idea what's happening but it's marvellous' feeling amongst all of us involved. Things like that just don't happen in London. You can check out the videos here: http://www.youtube.com/user/thebridgecollective#p/u/1/B3-4a3uVYgk and here http://www.youtube.com/user/thebridgecollective#p/u/2/dmGUMFURdmU

Anywho, why bring this up now? Well I was just sitting and listening to the chunk of their material I've got on my iTunes and this group makes me love Jesus more like few do. They're so honest and so real and so raw. No worshippy BS that ignores the real life muck. True, real, gut-wrenching faith. I love it. And you should too ;0)

You can download a lot of their stuff on Soundclick  but I would totally recommend getting a CD or two or ten off of them. If you happen to be one of my real-life friends, ask me next time you see me and I'll give you one as they gave us a few to hand out. If you happen to be at Greenbelt this year, I think they just might be there again. Do come along and expect anything to happen.

A year half over or half to go...

I think I speak for us all when I say that I cannot believe it's June!! The weather in London the past couple days actually reminds me a bit of Oxnard with the June gloom. I kind of feel like I'm already staring December in the face and I don't like that. Yet I know that the remainder of this year is already looking a few shades brighter than the past six so I'll do my best to drop the reservations and embrace the possibilities.

I thought that this would be a good time to revisit those 'resolutions' I made earlier on in the year to see how we're progressing. To recap, I decided to pursue the following in 2010: Fun, creativity, relationships, less time online, Shalom, a haircut & real job, and finally, reading more. So how has the first half of twenty-ten faired?

1. Having fun: Well as I mentioned, I applied for a sweet job at The Fun Fed, went through a two-hour audition playing games and acting like a buffoon, and I didn't manage to secure a post as a facilitator. However, the group was generous enough to give me a year membership to attend any session at any time for free. I've only had that come through in the past couple weeks and haven't taken advantage of it yet but you know I will! It's funny actually since writing that resolution and feeling it very strongly, that life has changed so much with some things dying. Yet people have come through with one resounding word of wisdom: Have fun. It's wild that God would be instructing us to do this in life during this time and what a great bit of guidance to be given to follow! We're working on it and hope to enjoy an even funner end to 2010.

2. Creativity: Well I've not done the best job with this since the whirlwind of activity that began the year off. But since setting my mind to complete a few crafty tasks before... well, we'll get to that later... I've managed to do quite a bit of creating in the past week. I'm tuning into the rhythms of my body more with this as well, which I'll blog about in the near future, and this is very helpful in creating and not becoming frustrated if it just isn't happening. Current project: working on a skirt I bought that was wayyy too small and customising some shoes.

3.  Relationships: Why is this such a struggle in London!? It's freakish in a city of 10 million to not be able to get together with people regularly! Yet with the understanding that it is difficult and it's not just us, I think we're managing to tackle that one fairly well. One way of marrying resolutions 1 and 3 is to have people around weekly. We've been hosting wine and cheese parties, breakfast cereal-athons, film nights, all in an attempt to welcome people to our space and to have fun and build relationships. As we're still struggling financially, it's still difficult as most people are accustomed to going out rather than having people over, but we're managing to do a bit more on that front, thankfully.

4. Less time online: Fail. Between escapism, looking for work, looking for a new flat, and trying to keep in touch with folks back home, this has not worked. And clearly I've not been blogging very well. Yet, there are still six months with which to work on number 4!

5. Shalom: While I'm more aware of the pursuit for Shalom, I can't say that I'm implementing the necessary practices to see it happen. I know that spending time meditating, reading and in contemplative prayer are requirements to see this happen in my life and I'm crap at these things. I still need a rhythm in life which has been difficult to find with everything being up in the air. Yet, as we'll see in the following point, that rhythm is coming... so hopefully too will the Shalom.

6. Get a haircut and a real job: Well the haircut would probably get a gigantic wince from hairstylists around the world, but I have managed a new style between Rob's and my endeavours to trim my do. The exciting part B of this point however is the real job! I begin my first 'real job' on the 21st of the month with the Speak Network. I'm so excited and it just feels so incredibly right. It also allows us the freedom to move to a larger flat outside of Camden, which we can't flee quickly enough these days. I cannot possibly begin to tell you what a blessing it is to have this provision! Thank you Jesus!!!

7.  Reading more: In direct opposition to point 4, I've spent far too much time reading online, but most has been in an applaudable effort to learn things, which has been successful. I've managed to get a few books under me though, including the long read Eyeless in Gaza by Aldous Huxley and A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. I'm presently planning on finishing by next week Making Room by Christine Pohl  about Christian hospitality practices. That one keeps kicking me in the gut it's so freaking good yet challenging.

So yeah, I guess it's good that there're still six months ahead with which to engage these resolutions more fully. I think with number six accomplished, the other six will be more easy to achieve and I look forward to that happening. 2010, may it live up to its reputation of the year of fun!

Craft Update: Black Jewellery Set

FINALLY after months of delay and picking it up and putting it back down, the black jewellery set I've been working on for a friend is complete. It was made with beads from old pieces she was tired of plus a couple large beads I bought to revamp the bracelet and necklace. I'm sure she'll be relieved to finally have some black jewellery to wear! Viola!

Liberation

- Lila Watson | ABORIGINAL ACTIVISTS GROUP, QUEENSLAND, 1970s
Poster by Ricardo (http://www.freewebs.com/edchx/)

The Facebook Diss

One of the exciting things about Facebook is the ability to connect with a variety of people from one's past and present at different levels even from a distance. Some of these friendships may be more agreeable, others not so much. Yet because of some common connection, be it a period in life, an interest or a common friend, we chose to label these people as 'friends' and share snippets of our lives with them and engage with their snippets in some form.

What happens to these friendships that are not so agreeable when those parts of our lives that conflict with one another become more apparent either through direct conversation or just the very presence of those snippets? I have just finished sending a very courteous message to an old Facebook friend who I realised deleted me recently asking what prompted her to take this action- I'm curious, really! We'd had some, I felt, decent dialogues about some political and religious statements made via Facebook but we always came to an amiable agree-to-disagree conclusion or we were able to see some kind of good in what one another was saying. We never did diss each other or get into a nasty fight. But clearly something occurred that has put her off of me.

It's made me think about the way that children engage in conflict. Oftentimes they take the route of 'silent treatment' or just avow themselves to no longer being friends whether that fact is communicated clearly or not. I wonder if Facebook is cultivating this approach to conflict and relational breakdown as well? I think there's a difference in culling one's friend list due to inactivity or indifference, but to have someone leave others on their list who are just as distant but more 'agreeable' just drop you seems to be a different case altogether. Will we in the future find that this impacts the way we deal with (or perhaps don't deal with but just move on from) conflict? Will this effect the relationships we choose to carry on ('I agree with your politics' or 'You don't say much that ruffles my feathers'), making our 'networks' even more homogeneous?

Food for thought.

'Alright I'll Cave' - November 2007

I dug this oldie up and dusted it off from Myspace. Hope you enjoy it.... he still makes me feel the same way!


November 20, 2007


I've had quite a past of writing about relationship woes... rather.... the woes of absent relationships. I've blogged about weirdos with hygeine problems. I've blogged about hiding behind racks of clothing to get away from dudes in pursuit. I've blogged about beat poets resembling Greek gods. I've blogged about hopes, dreams, what-if's and pity-parties. And yet... I have avoided blogging about the current 'In a Relationship' status to save your stomaches from turning or to keep the 'awwwwww's to a minimum. Even now I'm going to take a few gulps of wine and divulge here that I have met someone massively awesome. *pause for effect and a bit of blush (of the wine sort)*

I'm going to spare you the details of how we met and just say we've known each other for about a year yet never spoke. Both of us were in bad places at the time and frankly, we weren't terribly impressed by one another. Affiliations and work happened to throw us into the same boat at the end of the summer and finally we concluded that we needed to sit down for a good get to know you chat. Several coffee dates later, a few films, many more-than-bizarre conversations later, we decided that we should try this thing.... this thing called... 'us.' *cue Barry White*

Okay so now I've got this guy who I've grown rather fondly attached to (and hopefully he will comment at the end of this letting you all know that he too is rather fond of me hint hint ) in a pretty short amount of time. But I guess it's time I jumped on my 'I waited a long freaking time to be this happy and I'm going to tell the world' bandwagon. *cue sweaty televangelist Vickie, feverishly wiping dripping brow with hanky while inserting grunts after every important point, beckoning the necessary amens in all the right places*

Ladies: I have found that having high expectations is perfectly fine. True- you won't get everything you wanted. My Rob isn't very handy at DIY. But then I am. So hooray I get to hang all the shelves in the future unless I want them to crash down onto the floor. I always thought I'd end up with someone over 6'. Guess what? Turns out that someone just a few inches taller than me is a hell of a lot better. I thought he'd have dark hair. Nope. And you know what.... I couldn't have asked for any better. Sure he does make me want to beat him senselesssometimes but he's a man, I'm a woman and our brains just don't work the same sometimes (poor guy hahhaha ).

Okay, now for the sappy, this is how Rob treats me bit (because he's been chomping at the bit for me to publicly share all this hard work he's been putting into us- guys, this is your cue to get your notebooks).

- Rob likes to cuddle. I like to cuddle. We cuddle and he looks down at me and tells me things like "You look like a little eskimo", "You're so pretty", and simply "I love you."

- Rob goes into hysterical laughing fits because he thinks I'm cute. He just can't take it. (who could!?)

- Rob gets 1000 free texts each month. A good portion of these are spent sending letter-by-letter messages or xoxo's. He's also become accustomed to texting me comic strips in the mornings when he's on his way to university.

- Rob puts up with (and seems to understand) my silliness. I once cheered him up by pretending to be a turtle and demonstrating what it would look like for a turtle to kiss him.

- He has no adversion to talking about our grandchildren. He even brings the subject up himself.

- This past weekend I was not in a very good mood on Friday. He didn't know this but he called to see if we could meet at Starbucks for a coffee date. I showed up, less than glowing, to find that he'd somehow secured purple tulips (my favourite flower ever), he bought me coffee, listened to my crap (with a great deal of concern), then bought me pizza for dinner, prayed for me, and was generally awesome. The next day he held me while I sobbed for no real reason, prayed for me some more, and was generally awesome once again. The following day he also took me out for dinner. (and I'm sure I'm forgetting a few things in there somewhere...)

- Rob sings me songs all the time. Sometimes they're really silly, like comparing me to the flashing light on top of Canary Wharf. Other times it's all I can do to not cry.

I don't really know what I did to deserve this guy. I don't know how he puts up with me. I really really don't know how he can love me so much. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Thanks sweetheart. You have the power of taking away my speech. 

"Eat Me." - Jesus Christ

I remember the first time I felt truly guilty during communion. It wasn't because I'd done something terrible the night before or anything like that... it was simply because this bread tasted so amazing! I wasn't sure if I was allowed to enjoy communion like that or not. After all, isn't it supposed to be bland, ritualistic, and holy (by holy I mean punishing)?

My views on communion have really changed since that experience. I think they change about every time I take communion outside of my traditional communion type experience. The last time I recall taking communion at The Bridge we had a large loaf of crusty bread and not a lot of people to distribute it between and I was the first person to get up for my dose. I tore off a massive piece of bread and went back to my seat and spent the next 5 minutes or better eating, chewing, thinking, praying, letting it really get into my heart and changing me. I loved looking at my friends and watching them eat slowly, knowing we were all taking the same sort of journey at the same moment. It just isn't an experience you can replicate with a small wafer identical in size and shape to a person across a large sanctuary from you.

Communion is not just about sacrifice as I was led to believe from childhood. It's not just about recalling how horrible you are, how in need of a saviour (which is perfectly true) because you're rubbish on your own. That kind of stuff really keeps you joined to your past actions and sins even though they've been forgotten by God. I'd always have to sift through my day and week to see how naughty I'd been so I could ask forgiveness. And eating that bread and drinking some cheap grape juice never made me feel any better afterwards. It was a futile exercise and it robbed me of the true experience of communion.

Communion is about identity. Identity with Christ and His life and death and resurrection. Identity with His spirit. It's also about identity with the church, the body of Christ. It's not a remote and individualistic practice that absolves a person of their personal sins. It knits us together in amazing ways as we all see each other through the eyes of love and sacrifice- things Christ wasn't called to alone- things that we are each called to on one another's behalf.

Rob wanted to take communion the other day before a meeting we had. We didn't have much in the house and we've used lots of different things for communion before so just finding something edible and drinkable wasn't foreign to us. He grabbed a Bourbon biscuit and some water. As we sat and thought about what it was we were doing I realised something- communion is costly. I know exactly what you're probably thinking right now- "yeah it cost Jesus a heck of a lot, didn't it?" That's not really what I mean even if it is true. We all know that and it doesn't always mean a lot to be truthful; it's like a cliche (sorry God...).

I was reminded of the little boy who offered his loaves and fish for feeding the crowd. He gave up his lunch! He was so trusting that somehow Jesus would make it work out so that everyone got to enjoy a bit of food that he risked losing it all. On the day that Jesus and the disciples took the last supper the owner of the upper room sacrificed some space for the crew to cook up a mean meal (he practiced hospitality, a subject I'm really getting into and it actually ties into this quite well- note to self: revisit). I seriously doubt they went down to the market to pick up a ready-meal so that means that this meal was quite the effort and was costly (in terms of time, not just money).

So they finally get to the point where Jesus grabs the loaf of bread, err the flatbread as it would've been, and does his thing. That bread is the very symbol we refer back to when doing communion. I think about the breads I've used in communion- ranging from stale wafers to pretzels to amazingly tasty bread- and yet it's never cost either myself or the person serving the bread much (a quick dash into the shop to pick up some cheap mass produced bread). Something's been lost. I have come to realise a couple things in dealing with communion in this:-

1- Jesus picked the most basic and affordable things on the table to institute communion so that everyone regardless of economic status could enjoy the practice. It unites us all across class boundaries and it's a humbling thing perhaps for the more affluent to get back to the basics. How beautiful. How thoughtful.

2- The bread itself cost something in terms of time and effort to make it (even if they did buy it at the market). Someone had to knead it, mix it, bake it, etc. No modern technology. I'm sure that modern communion wafers are probably somehow blessed by a few reverential words but just the effort of someone getting involved with the bread is a blessing to me.

I'd really like to adopt the practice of baking bread as a community to enjoy together in communion. The imagery of that would be so incredibly rich. And how much more sacred would it be?

Chatroulette - genius or sad?

Following my blog post on Living Fully Present a couple weeks back I've just been introduced to Chatroulette, with many people saying it's just 'freaky'. On first glance I would certainly agree:

Log on, sit in front of your webcam, chat to a person face-to-face, hoping they won't peel their clothing off.

Daring to say the least. However, reading the following article my heart kind of breaks. Have we become SO digitized and removed from the 'real world' that this is the future? Have a read and let me know what you think...

Chatroulette Puts a Face on Social Networking | NBC Dallas-Fort Worth

2010 and already a month gone by!

Leave it to me to find a quality way of sending out 2009 with a bang- or rather a crunch! Rob and I were in California, 8 hours behind Big Ben, and I was shopping at a particular strip-mall in my hometown. Just before heading into the shop I noticed that it was about quarter to 4 in the afternoon and that our friends in London would be ringing in the new year in just minutes.

I headed into the store, didn't find what I wanted, walked back out and carefully put the car into reverse. I was backing out like nobody's granny (overly cautious not having driven in the last 15 months) under the watchful eye of my husband as well when all of a sudden I find myself engaged with a gentleman's passenger door. Happy New Year I tell you. Thankfully insurance covered it all and nobody seemed too bothered, aside from yours truly who was and still am quite convinced he was at fault for driving too quickly. Eight hours later we celebrated our own new years in the safety of my mom's home, cozy with lots of food to munch.

If you've followed my blog you'll know that last year was a struggle. I'm content to see it leave it's dusty footprints on the way out and looking forward to getting dug into 2010. Having only returned from our trip the first week of February it seems like we'll have an 11 month year rather than the traditional 12. Fine by me.

I'm in the process of resolving some things. I'm not into resolutions because I don't have the resolve to stick to a year's worth of rules and don'ts just because 'they' say you should make them. Yet I am aware of the great opportunity to make things different in returning to London after a good deal of time away. If only I hadn't been fighting a terrible cold for 3 weeks once we returned I might have made a better start of this. But nevertheless I'm going to start a rough sort of list of things I'm intending on for 2010 and beyond.

1. Having fun. I love fun. I've never been particularly un-fun. But I think my fun was spoiled last year and this year I refuse to give up my fun and I'm going to look at ways of creating fun every day. At least every week anyways. As a matter of fact, I've already applied for a fun job- playing games with adults (www.thefunfed.com)!

2. Creating. Not only will I create fun but I will make many more things- baked goods, meals, needlepoint, clothing, furniture, photos, things for the house, and a whole lot more. I've got off to a decent start having turned Rob's old leopard print laptop case into a cushion, framed a pic we brought back from Venice Beach, begun a needlepoint project with dear ol' Frankenstein and the phrase 'What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger', and I've cooked homemade soup nearly every night for a few weeks. I've altered some clothing that's been on the back burner for a while and I've got a jewelery project waiting for my attention on behalf of a friend.

3. Relationships. I majored in marine biology partly due to the fact that I'd rather hang out with fish who can't complain and get all complicated on you. Clearly God has other plans for me and wants people and all their complexities and dirt and wonderful goodness to rub off on me. And I think I'm feeling more prepared to get dirty, with the help of both numbers 1 and 2. I am determined to make this work come riches or poverty!

4. Spend less time online. EnergySuckingLifeDrainingTimeConsumingMachineOfEvil. I love the internet but I spend half my time on it doing jack squat. I check my email wayyyyy too much, act as if Facebook is the 'real world', and just lose out on a lot of 1, 2, and 3 as a result of being online too much. I need restrictions. See my previous blog post on the matter.

5. Find Shalom. As stated a couple posts back I'm really aching for some serious shalom to park itself in the centre of my life. I want to learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I want to live freely and lightly. All this is found with the Divine Him and within my enhanced relationships. I'm endeavoring to do the Prayer of Examen every night for Lent in an attempt to evaluate my day's successes and failures so that time doesn't swish by so quickly and so that I can find that place of rest each day.

6. Get a haircut and get a real job. Why yes I did just use a George Thorogood song there... my apologies if that offends your musical sensibilities. I have, in fact, owned the cassette single of that song in my lifetime. Yikes. Anyways, yes I need a job to maintain my haircut, my household, my social life, to care for the people I love (the known and the stranger), to help my church grow, and to get out of friggin debt. If you're hiring, I'm really lovely, quite employable, and fairly desperate.

7. Read more. There's an awesome bookshop here called Daunt's. There's one up by Hampstead Heath that I love because of it's location especially. Their books are all arranged by world region, as it use to be a travel bookstore but now it hosts other literature as well. I said when I first moved to the area that I'd like to some day read one book from each section at Daunt's. I got about half way through Notes from the Underground by Russian author Dostoyevsky but it was a bit too bleak for me so I need to get back on that bandwagon. And armed with my library card I don't see why not. Presently I'm reading Eyeless in Gaza by Aldous Huxley. I can't say I'm making my way through it too speedily but I'm going to stick with it.

I'm sure that I could add several more to that list but seven seems like a really good number and a great start for the year (off the top of my head I could easily add 'drink more wine' to that list!). I welcome suggestions on crafty projects, recipes, good books, activities to do with friends, people with money to give/pay me, and just general hellos and relational type greetings of the interweb and non-interweb sort :0) Have a great year!!

Tea Towl image: dollarstorecrafts.com

Living Fully Present.

I remember back in the day of Dungeons and Dragons that role play games were considered to be weird, and some would even go so far as to say they were demonic. It was a fringe of society that engaged in role play and spent their time huddled around a board or later on, around a glowing screen and keyboard in the dark.

But today most of us are guilty of being the 'weirdos', engaging in a virtual reality experience that sort of looks like real living. I see streams and streams of updates on my Facebook telling me about people's needs, wants and exploits in Farmville. Something like that is kind of a funny example of the larger issue at hand, innocent at the surface but it does smack of the same role play/fantasy type thing as D&D. I'm not hacking off on Farmville here or D&D though so stick with me...

I might sound a bit overly dramatic but I see a real epidemic in society right now. As much of a blessing as technology is it's really stabbing us in the backs. Machines are sapping us of our attention, energy, money and contentment. I'm not going to get all sci-fi or conspiracy on you here so don't worry but I do want to peel back a layer of this issue and toss out some ideas.

I love the idea of social networking, being someone who lives thousands of miles away from my long-time friends and my family. It's enabled me to forge some great relationships- some really deep, some quite shallow. But I admit that I do find myself checking in at the expense of my day to day relationships and living. My immediate relationships and my creativity have suffered as a result of just logging on too frequently, checking up on people, and entering a few pat words on what's up in Vickie-dom. I find that a lot of the world around me that I'm presented with has caused me to sometimes avoid reality.

I'm not living fully present.

And I have seen others who are really taking this to new and dangerous levels. I know people who cannot keep away from Facebook, IM, Twitter, etc. even in the same room with friends. Some of them are driven in the early hours of the morning just chatting and then suffering the consequences the next day when they've got to get up early and actually LIVE. And yet they complain about not having enough time. Their work is suffering, their relationships are suffering, and they aren't truly living life to the fullest.

Even before technology really broke through to our every-day, we could see the effects of not living fully present. Daydreaming, fantasizing, affairs, mid-life crises. I mean think about it- what causes one person to cheat on another? Yes, sometimes the relationship sucks. But ultimately it's because one person or both are not fully present in the relationship. Their heart is elsewhere. It's a matter of discontentment.

Not living fully present causes our most immediate relationships to decay because, obviously, they need time, work and effort to grow and strengthen. Not living fully present leads to an immediate sensation of community, relatedness, intimacy, but like any hard drug it causes us to feel the torturous after-effects of isolation and loneliness.

I know several people who are wanderers at heart, myself included. We love the feeling of change, of seeing new things, meeting new people, broadening our horizons so to speak. It's like having ADD of lifestyle. Sometimes we can find ourselves mentally in another place - ie. on the beach in California eating a burrito with no seagulls around. Sometimes it can be as severe to wish ourselves away, out of where we're placed - either by life or by God Himself. We short circuit our futures by living mentally elsewhere- not being fully present where and with whom we're situated. This can be in a city, with a partner, at a job, in a church, on a project. We allow ourselves to be robbed of the experience of the here and now- which is REAL, LEGIT, and STEEPED IN POTENTIAL- all for a few hours chatting to someone where we'd rather be. Or dreamily looking for a new home. Or just not investing ourselves fully because we spend too much time bitching and whining about the here and now.

I really hope some of my dear friends read this post because I'm concerned for your lives, your futures, and all that great stuff that is waiting for your attention in the here and now. Conquer this mountain, then let God lead you to the next. Be fully present. We need you.